stories

Imaginary Conversations #1: If We Had Met Years Ago

August 13, 2017

If We Had Met Years Ago

We were laying on our balcony that Sunday afternoon. Drenched in the soft sunlight, the breeze warm and inviting. Bodies wrapped around each other.

"If we had met years ago, would you love me just the same?"
"Would you even love me?"

"Hmm, I think I would."

thoughts

Lost In Thoughts (Insecurities and Self Worth)

July 10, 2017

Time passes by, and without us realizing, summer is almost over and fall is just waiting right around the corner (although here in Jakarta we don't exactly have four different seasons, for this post, I'd like to put it that way, haha). These days I've been pretty lost in my thoughts, especially on warm summer nights, like tonight for instance.


As always, I tend to drown myself in songs when I'm self-reflecting. As cheesy as it sounds, songs make a good backdrop for my thoughts, like I'm suddenly whisked into a movie scene or an alternate universe, how things could or could have been. The lyrics are like fuel for my thoughts and inspire me to write something that I would have never thought of before I listened to a particular song.

As the seasons are shifting, I feel that my mood also took a shift into a more mellow tone.

cooking

Nothing Much (Quick Update)

July 05, 2017

Hi everyone! Nothing much has happened these days, that is why I've been MIA for awhile.
I just filled the days by watching some movies, youtube, scrolling through tumblr, instagram, and pinterest for daily source of inspiration.

I also got some bangs! (Pics coming up later) One day I just had the urge to cut it and probably because I was bored, so i asked my mom to cut my bangs. Well, it didn't turn out that good, so I went to the salon to get it fixed. So far I'm really liking this look although my forehead won't stop sweating because the weather gets pretty hot during the day.

 I've also been working out these days (It's been so long since I moved my body properly, haha) and tried to "eat clean", but some days I just can't let go of my daily dose of bacon and eggs for breakfast.

So, yeah this is what I had for breakfast:



I had bacon and a sunny side up, plus some stir fried tofu with tomato, garlic, and sesame oil.  

- Maddy -





















poem

Burning

June 15, 2017


Maybe this is not the last time that we would see each other,
but maybe this is the last time I could get you close to me, as close as it could get.

 I would take this chance to savour your presence whole,
even if it is just a touch, a smile, a gaze.
I want to feel it with my whole body,
I want you to be responsible for the burning in my veins.

 Because every time we touch, when you are this close,
I could feel a fire ignite inside of me.
My heart that was left out cold for so long,
finally feels warm after all these years.

 I want you to stay, but I know I could not make you,
even if I try a thousand times.
So I would not turn this against you.

 But let me enjoy this fleeting moment,
Let me taste it.
Let me remember every second.

 Because this might be my one and only chance.

 Because this might be my last.

 Because maybe, just maybe,
I am hoping that you might feel the same way.




My thoughts for the night. Heavily inspired by a certain "event" I had the other day and particularly this song I just found that seems to match this whole set-up perfectly (Emmit Fenn- Modern Flame ft. Yuna)

( The picture I used is not mine, credits to the respectful owner)




- Maddy -

DIY

Mental Detox

June 10, 2017

Hi! It feels great to be back here and writing again. Last week I did a major mental detox, because lately I've been feeling a bit stuck up and unmotivated to do anything. No inspirations were coming into my head and being at home all day made me feel down in the dumps.

thoughts

Lonely Nights

May 30, 2017



Nights when i feel the loneliest.
I feel like everything moves really slowly.
My heart feels cold but my body warm.
I start to notice things I didn't notice before.
How people are living their lives.
Interconnected but so far apart from mine.

Nights when i feel the loneliest.
When I want to be in the company of someone.
At the same time wanting to be alone.
Alone by myself.
In my own company.

Nights when i feel the loneliest.
When I feel like I'm waiting for someone.
Someone I need to see,
but so far from reach.
Whom I waited for what feels like decades.
Are you real?
Would we ever meet?

Nights when I feel the loneliest.
The darkest moment of day.
Which reminds me about the darkest part of my heart.
A void.
Wanting to be filled.
With things that felt intangible,
So far from reach.




Well, here's something a little dark for a change. But I hope I didn't irk or scare you guys too much.
Sometimes there are nights when thoughts fill you up and you just have to vent it somewhere, no?


Just think of it as a toast, for those nights we spent alone. Mentally, physically, or both.

- Maddy

*the picture i used is not mine, full credits to the owner



cooking

Tarts and Everything Nice

May 28, 2017

Holidays are getting a bit boring these days (aside from binge watching some TV series on netflix, of course). Everyone's doing their own thing at the moment, or just staying in their house for the rest of the day. My full schedule isn't until next month, so I've got loads of time to spend (and loads of time to be very unproductive), but sometimes I just feel that I shouldn't be this unproductive.

Some days we could be craving certain types of food depending on our moods (anyone can relate?), and when I'm bored, I tend to crave sweet things. 

So I decided to be a bit productive today and make some sweet treats. This time it's egg tarts


I've always thought it was a hard thing to make, but i guess I was wrong! It was pretty simple, although I haven't nailed the flaky crust yet. It was soft and sweet with a hint of vanilla in it.

So yeah, I'm just trying to keep myself busy until next month.

What are your ideas to keep yourself productive on a holiday?





- Maddy -

poem

Wrong

May 20, 2017

Wrong



He was everything I never wanted.

 At least that was what i believed,

 from the stories I heard about him.

 I was so sure of myself back then.

 But I have never realized how wrong I was,

 until the day our eyes met.

thoughts

What Comes First?

May 16, 2017

What Comes First
What comes first?

The chicken, or perhaps, the egg? 

You asked me over breakfast

"My answer is in your plate." 

 I said with a smile on my face.

poem

A Morning Without You

May 05, 2017

A Morning Without You


Hi. It's me again.
Nothing much has changed. Not like it would, anyways.
I woke up today, just like any other day. The other bedside still felt strange without you, but I think..
I think I'm slowly getting used to it.

cooking

A Steamy Morning

April 21, 2017


No, it's not like what you're thinking right now.


I woke up this morning having one thing in mind, no, i woke up alone this morning, so get those thoughts out of your head. As a matter of fact, today i'm having my first attempt on making.. Japanese steamed eggs (a.k.a Chawanmushi!)

thoughts

A Day of Chill and Contemplation

April 19, 2017




I woke up this morning with a pretty unfamiliar but calming feeling. Last night's sleep was probably one of my most deepest sleeps i have had in awhile (I concluded because i didn't even remember waking up when my sister got ready for school earlier in the morning). Now that i finished high school, i could practically wake up whenever i want to.

But, for me, who is used to sticking onto a tight schedule, and being accustomed to a routine almost every single day, i felt that something was missing. I realized, that is the sole reason for the unfamiliar feeling i felt earlier.

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