Lost In Thoughts (Insecurities and Self Worth)
July 10, 2017Time passes by, and without us realizing, summer is almost over and fall is just waiting right around the corner (although here in Jakarta we don't exactly have four different seasons, for this post, I'd like to put it that way, haha). These days I've been pretty lost in my thoughts, especially on warm summer nights, like tonight for instance.
As always, I tend to drown myself in songs when I'm self-reflecting. As cheesy as it sounds, songs make a good backdrop for my thoughts, like I'm suddenly whisked into a movie scene or an alternate universe, how things could or could have been. The lyrics are like fuel for my thoughts and inspire me to write something that I would have never thought of before I listened to a particular song.
If you're pretty curious about what I'm listening on my Spotify these days, I've been playing SZA's recent album, CTRL, on replay. Although I adore all her songs on her album in general, I got really hooked on two of her songs in this album, Drew Barrymore and Love Galore. As I'm writing this, Drew Barrymore is playing in the background (the song, not the actress).
SZA - Drew Barrymore
"I get so lonely, I forget what I'm worth
We get so lonely, we pretend that this works"
Everybody has their own insecurities. I have it, you have it, don't we all? Sometimes those insecurities are related to relationships. It's not always about a romantic relationship, it could be a relationship with friends, family members, or even with ourselves. Especially, with ourselves.
We have a habit of trying to please the people around us (although sometimes we deny it), that we forget about ourselves.
We tend to get caught up in the mix and lose our identity. We start to compare ourselves to other people. We forget our own self-worth.
We don't listen to ourselves, we abandon our hearts just to be broken by someone else. We also might have broken someone's heart in the process, too. As a result, we are making ourselves feel lonely, unhappy, and also dragging someone else down with us, without even realizing it. It becomes a never ending cycle of pain, guilt, and hurt.
I think the only way to make this better, is to make time for ourselves, to just sit down, and ask ourselves, is it all worth it? Are we being toxic to ourselves and other people? Are we afraid to say no to the things that make us uncomfortable, because it has been like some sort of 'custom' or 'default' after all these years, or afraid of saying yes to new opportunities and going out of our comfort zone once in awhile?
And sometimes, there are things that we just have to simply let go, because it's just not worth it anymore.
Anyway, to lighten things up (and not to be preachy), here is my other favorite song from her album, Love Galore. Well, the lyrics aren't necessarily SFW, but hey, it's SZA we're talking about. What more could I say? I love the vibe this song gives. It just gives me this carefree feeling every time I have this playing on my Spotify. I personally like to listen to this song in the morning for an early pick-me-up. (Heck, some days I even play it on replay for an hour or two)
Well, that is it, for now at least.
Time is ticking, the season is changing. Are you changing (for the better, I hope) too?
With love,
Maddy
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